March 19, 2009
untitled
I thought of many titles to suit this post but yet I couldn’t.
I never thought this could take so long for me to sit down and type. To gather my guts and evoke her into my state of mind.
I just cant imagine how it happened. Each time I think about it, n each time I want to type this post I stop a moment to mend this bleeding heart.
How was it she felted at that moment? Where is she now? Was she happy? How is it to be dead?
I lost a friend, a childhood friend, a sister, a twin. 15 years we were friends, and to think that it would add up to 50…I was wrong.
So much we went through…so much we did together. But so much more we DID NOT. I regret only not being able to perform the best of our friendship. As all of us thought of there is always still TOMMORROW. i regret the past four years of her life I wasn’t always there, and oh how I envy other people, of how their friendship is so strong.
Each time both of us meet, is like two planets meeting up. How far their distant, and difficult to meet. But too common our thoughts, needless to say a word more, but to understand what has gone wrong or right.
I always yearn to have that best friend, as she is the one that can make it happen. But now I lost someone who knows me better than me…where, who to find another her? That entire secret, all that experience just buried with her…only leaving me to remember.
Of how our life were too common, our mom, dad…single parent child, with no brothers or sisters only friends we gain as sisters.
And as sisters, we fought, we make up, and we cheer each other up. I still remember how rebellious I was in primary school, and how we hated each other. Yet we were always in the same society or club till secondary school. How close we were like sticky melted sweets.
Each year’s scout camping trip we would sign up together and watch each other’s back in the woods.
We would talk on the phone for hours since the age of 10. Making the phone bill reach RM300.
We went to Malacca together around standard 5.
We went to your house to swim each week and almost drown ourselves once.
We went out late in the middle of the night together.
We went to the same tuition together
We took the same school bus.
Wanted to move out and live together.
Wanted to buy Vios together.
And each time u had a problem, u would call me first.
We even cut our wrist together.
Each time we would think of the solution together.
You would advise me in my relationship.
You hated peanut in nasi lemak, and I’ll eat 4 u,
I hated the sambal, and pass it to you,
Eat bak kut teh together,
Go Safari Lagoon together,
you wanted to a optician, while i wanted to be a lawyer.
you'll love red, and i'll like blue.
Did so many many many many many many things together.
Yet, I neglected you after form 4. You left to Subang, and we were no longer there physically for each other. Yes we may think that you’ll be alrite, yes we’ll think you would come back soon, and yes I did not an effort to find u.
Each time you come back to KL, we would update each other bout everything. For so long, you’ve suffered too much. But how happily I live here in KL. However depress you will always be in Subang, I would not truly know. At those time, a friend start to feel worthless. Even the heart misses each other, there were no actions taken.
We could do better. Friend, we could have been better. I can’t find you anymore, can’t have that conversation anymore, coz no one go through it except us. US.
I really don’t want to be sad u see. For me I tell myself u r happy, we did not promise each other anything, and that is why I can let u go easily. But to lose u, means our sister circle shrink smaller.
From 7 ppl….to only 2 ppl.
1st Sze po to New Zealand
2nd Valerie to another school
3rd Loke to another state
4TH Chan to another school
5th YOU to another world
Leaving duo me and Cho together while Chan, Loke, and Valerie as individuals else where.
And to think that all would seem well as we entered secondary school as u, me and cho. U had to go away. If I were to say u are the closest friend to me, I feel guilty cause actually I wasn’t.
I could do better. You would need to suffer so much at Subang if I dare to fight your mum, if I dare to bring you back, if I was just brave enough to push them all away. I only regret not being better.
Thank you so much for being my sis.
I don’t want to remember what we went through during our childhood, coz every time I do; it reminds me that u r not here.
I don’t want to think that u r gone, coz there’s so much that have not been done. I don’t want to feel sad, coz in life u felt misery, till u had Him.
I want to cry so much, but tears ain’t rolling down.
you are happy now, i don't have to worry. you're the 1st to get married but too bad we could attend your wedding dinner, and the bride's maid as we said we would be.
but all is destined, and i am truly happy for u, u finally led a happy life... that smile on your face in that box shows it.
rest in peace sis.
I never thought this could take so long for me to sit down and type. To gather my guts and evoke her into my state of mind.
I just cant imagine how it happened. Each time I think about it, n each time I want to type this post I stop a moment to mend this bleeding heart.
How was it she felted at that moment? Where is she now? Was she happy? How is it to be dead?
I lost a friend, a childhood friend, a sister, a twin. 15 years we were friends, and to think that it would add up to 50…I was wrong.
So much we went through…so much we did together. But so much more we DID NOT. I regret only not being able to perform the best of our friendship. As all of us thought of there is always still TOMMORROW. i regret the past four years of her life I wasn’t always there, and oh how I envy other people, of how their friendship is so strong.
Each time both of us meet, is like two planets meeting up. How far their distant, and difficult to meet. But too common our thoughts, needless to say a word more, but to understand what has gone wrong or right.
I always yearn to have that best friend, as she is the one that can make it happen. But now I lost someone who knows me better than me…where, who to find another her? That entire secret, all that experience just buried with her…only leaving me to remember.
Of how our life were too common, our mom, dad…single parent child, with no brothers or sisters only friends we gain as sisters.
And as sisters, we fought, we make up, and we cheer each other up. I still remember how rebellious I was in primary school, and how we hated each other. Yet we were always in the same society or club till secondary school. How close we were like sticky melted sweets.
Each year’s scout camping trip we would sign up together and watch each other’s back in the woods.
We would talk on the phone for hours since the age of 10. Making the phone bill reach RM300.
We went to Malacca together around standard 5.
We went to your house to swim each week and almost drown ourselves once.
We went out late in the middle of the night together.
We went to the same tuition together
We took the same school bus.
Wanted to move out and live together.
Wanted to buy Vios together.
And each time u had a problem, u would call me first.
We even cut our wrist together.
Each time we would think of the solution together.
You would advise me in my relationship.
You hated peanut in nasi lemak, and I’ll eat 4 u,
I hated the sambal, and pass it to you,
Eat bak kut teh together,
Go Safari Lagoon together,
you wanted to a optician, while i wanted to be a lawyer.
you'll love red, and i'll like blue.
Did so many many many many many many things together.
Yet, I neglected you after form 4. You left to Subang, and we were no longer there physically for each other. Yes we may think that you’ll be alrite, yes we’ll think you would come back soon, and yes I did not an effort to find u.
Each time you come back to KL, we would update each other bout everything. For so long, you’ve suffered too much. But how happily I live here in KL. However depress you will always be in Subang, I would not truly know. At those time, a friend start to feel worthless. Even the heart misses each other, there were no actions taken.
We could do better. Friend, we could have been better. I can’t find you anymore, can’t have that conversation anymore, coz no one go through it except us. US.
I really don’t want to be sad u see. For me I tell myself u r happy, we did not promise each other anything, and that is why I can let u go easily. But to lose u, means our sister circle shrink smaller.
From 7 ppl….to only 2 ppl.
1st Sze po to New Zealand
2nd Valerie to another school
3rd Loke to another state
4TH Chan to another school
5th YOU to another world
Leaving duo me and Cho together while Chan, Loke, and Valerie as individuals else where.
And to think that all would seem well as we entered secondary school as u, me and cho. U had to go away. If I were to say u are the closest friend to me, I feel guilty cause actually I wasn’t.
I could do better. You would need to suffer so much at Subang if I dare to fight your mum, if I dare to bring you back, if I was just brave enough to push them all away. I only regret not being better.
Thank you so much for being my sis.
I don’t want to remember what we went through during our childhood, coz every time I do; it reminds me that u r not here.
I don’t want to think that u r gone, coz there’s so much that have not been done. I don’t want to feel sad, coz in life u felt misery, till u had Him.
I want to cry so much, but tears ain’t rolling down.
you are happy now, i don't have to worry. you're the 1st to get married but too bad we could attend your wedding dinner, and the bride's maid as we said we would be.
but all is destined, and i am truly happy for u, u finally led a happy life... that smile on your face in that box shows it.
rest in peace sis.
// posted by curious @ 2:20 AM 
Comments:
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well, Michelle. Chan here. Don't feel sad for the years you were not by her side. At least, you were together in your secondary school and had fun. I've always regretted entering SAB and now, this incident just made me regret it even more. I couldn't continue a fantastic friendship all of us had in primary school and I ought to be sadder than you in that case coz I don't even know what's going on with everyone's life anymore. Just remember you were once one of her closest friends. Just try to continue living your life happily as I know that's what she wants the most: Her friends (esp her sis..u, cho, jo ann, sook peng) living happily.
dude,
i cant tel u to nt tink bout her...
i cant tel u not to miss her...
i cant tel u not to regret....
i cant tel u to stop blaming ursef...
12th of march,v both lose alot...
dun woli as she did not suffer much at Subang and wen she's away from u guys....i can assure u....
u shud b glad tt u hav known her 4 at least 15 years and u hav all those years's memories to keep u company thru da rest of da years.
other than tt,those who hav not taken da iniative to know her better shud b more regretful than u....
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i cant tel u to nt tink bout her...
i cant tel u not to miss her...
i cant tel u not to regret....
i cant tel u to stop blaming ursef...
12th of march,v both lose alot...
dun woli as she did not suffer much at Subang and wen she's away from u guys....i can assure u....
u shud b glad tt u hav known her 4 at least 15 years and u hav all those years's memories to keep u company thru da rest of da years.
other than tt,those who hav not taken da iniative to know her better shud b more regretful than u....
# posted by 
: 6:21 AM
: 6:21 AM Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
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