April 08, 2009
wasn't found after all
The day I took you away from my heart is the day I start losing myself, without my notice.
When I left, I venture out to seek myself. Not long later I found one side that I lost. But by gaining this part, I lost even more of myself…
By leaving you, I linger too far away to another land I do not recognize. I try to adapt to this new place, but see I really could not. This place looks so nice, it lure me right in, and i did not take any precautions; I trust that this place is right for me.
But when I go in, it wasn’t like heaven but hell as I thought it would be. I burnt myself till my skin comes off and till I could not see my own self. I am lost.
Me without you is like a blind person without its stick. I really thought I don’t need you to be my stick. But I was wrong…again. I’ve gone too far away from where I should be, now I am looking back, and you’re not there for me.
See that I’m not myself, and I can’t be myself again without u. I din realize it until now. Unconsciously I’ve made you a part of me. I erased you from my thoughts, but keep coming back; especially when I was in hell.
When I thought I found myself, actually I did not…instead I became worst off. I may walk the road ahead alone, but I see that now I wasn’t that Michelle Leong that exists long ago.
As time washes away the pain S gave me, it wash away my true self with it as well. I am not that naïve anymore and I don’t wish to have the same past relationships I had. So I became different. I thought I was better, but actually I leave a part for me to rebel anytime.
And so beginning of this year, I rebel. I lost my loyalty, and I fail my test. The test between one going to work and one studying. I failed and could not re-sit this test, but all I can do is to make sure where my heart truly lies, and appreciate the moments ahead. With or without you.
// posted by curious @ 12:42 PM 
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