May 12, 2009
do i?
Sometimes I think whether I am supposed to love or not?
This may seem negative, but I do find out in the end that I did my best.
Sometimes there are guidelines that it is supposedly exist. How a guy should be, and how a girl should be, but maybe those are just how people see things and indirectly create a “must” for either guy or girl to become.
In a relationship, you should be like this, and she should be like that. If it all falls into place, then it is perfect. While if it doesn’t, u’ll say nothing is perfect, and u either give up that relationship, or bear with what you have, then mend things with choices you think.
Now remember we’re not making a wrong or right impression, coz everything is just how u see it or how u feel it.
For me, sometimes I can’t rational how my emotions react and in the past I did lost control of my own emotions and mind as well. Sometimes I think too much and in the end adding more pain into my own suffering. With a cuckoo mind, whatever I think may result in extra catastrophe.
And this few days I think, actually do I really love? What does it means? How does it work? And if I know, will it be another thing that is affected by how the world sees?
Doing a lot of things, do a little, or do nothing. How do u see it? Care for a lot of things, care for a little, or care for nothing. How do u see it? Understand a lot, understand a little, or understand nothing. How do u see it?
Do, care, or understand…what shows that you love someone or the other way?
I think back of myself, as what this post is mainly is about, whatever I do, does it shows how much I love? Where is the measurement in that? Have I practice it in the correct way or is it the way either the world or she sees?
As the saying goes, although the person doesn’t love you the way you wanted, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all their heart. This phrase applies to everyone, including me.
I admit I didn’t put my head in the correct way and my heart in another way. I shut tight my deep thoughts even I could not find. Blinded by my own pride and greed, I don’t know what I wanted.
After many wrong paths and challenges I confront, I found peace somewhere I don’t need to look for. I just needed to reach out and ask form God. He knew me, watch me as I grow and the best place to find myself is to be back in the place I was mold.
I don’t have to lean on the past, nor blame myself so much on all the wrong choices. As ‘tomorrow’ waits for me to claim the right to live better for myself, friends, and maybe you.
I’ll take hold of my days here as the ‘me’ I used to be, a happier me.
// posted by curious @ 3:32 PM 
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