February 25, 2009
room
Here once again back to zero. Now the eyes open to see that it had been a job all this while.
I work my way to that hidden room, yet as I almost reach it I forgot to bring the key. I turn back, turn away from it, and lose my chance towards it again. The road I fight for disappear right before my eyes.
I weep not being able to reach the very place I found. Just like catching lightning in your hands, to find that room so bare. Why did I let this happen. To drop the key, is to go back to where I started. Maybe I’ll find another place that has my heart install.
But maybe isn’t enough for me. As I reconsider that very mistake I made, I had no strenght left in me to go on. To take back what I said, to take back what I did, and to do what I never did.
Could it all turn back, could I undo time. To go back where I drop that key.
If you’re listening to my heart screaming, please help me I beg. Show me the way to that room once again. For my heart lies there, unable to be taken away. I’ll go take that key again, but I need you to light the way, be my guide n take me there. Taking that step, front, left, or right, but not backwards please.
Forgive my recklessness, I wasn’t as strong as I thought I could be. I am weak without you. And if I go on finding that room alone, I will not make it. Don’t leave me here lost again. I really needed u, although I constantly denied it in front of u.
I made myself as bold as a lion, making my way through dense surroundings, but I struggle to combat against sorrow without you. I am sorry, a chance is all I need. I long to find that room even if it means I can stay only a few months, weeks, or days.
Would you contradict my willingness, as eager I am, I am keen to reach that room. I will not give up even if i turn blind, if I lose my legs, my hands, because I already lost my heart that’s lock inside that room.
I keep my smile not for me, nor anyone else, but remain only for that someone in that room. I am no hero for anyone, won’t be a hero without you. Tell me how could I be a hero without that someone to protect? No, I am just a wimp. A worthless rat.
Don’t let this moment go, it’ll never come back, don’t let blood flow, this second is ours to share.
As it flies, and as we look back, I don’t want to regret each thing that passes by. For time is something we can’t rotate. To loose something is better than to loose ALL.
I work my way to that hidden room, yet as I almost reach it I forgot to bring the key. I turn back, turn away from it, and lose my chance towards it again. The road I fight for disappear right before my eyes.
I weep not being able to reach the very place I found. Just like catching lightning in your hands, to find that room so bare. Why did I let this happen. To drop the key, is to go back to where I started. Maybe I’ll find another place that has my heart install.
But maybe isn’t enough for me. As I reconsider that very mistake I made, I had no strenght left in me to go on. To take back what I said, to take back what I did, and to do what I never did.
Could it all turn back, could I undo time. To go back where I drop that key.
If you’re listening to my heart screaming, please help me I beg. Show me the way to that room once again. For my heart lies there, unable to be taken away. I’ll go take that key again, but I need you to light the way, be my guide n take me there. Taking that step, front, left, or right, but not backwards please.
Forgive my recklessness, I wasn’t as strong as I thought I could be. I am weak without you. And if I go on finding that room alone, I will not make it. Don’t leave me here lost again. I really needed u, although I constantly denied it in front of u.
I made myself as bold as a lion, making my way through dense surroundings, but I struggle to combat against sorrow without you. I am sorry, a chance is all I need. I long to find that room even if it means I can stay only a few months, weeks, or days.
Would you contradict my willingness, as eager I am, I am keen to reach that room. I will not give up even if i turn blind, if I lose my legs, my hands, because I already lost my heart that’s lock inside that room.
I keep my smile not for me, nor anyone else, but remain only for that someone in that room. I am no hero for anyone, won’t be a hero without you. Tell me how could I be a hero without that someone to protect? No, I am just a wimp. A worthless rat.
Don’t let this moment go, it’ll never come back, don’t let blood flow, this second is ours to share.
As it flies, and as we look back, I don’t want to regret each thing that passes by. For time is something we can’t rotate. To loose something is better than to loose ALL.
February 24, 2009
white flag
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "It's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
wHitE fLaG- dIdO
love me not
I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying
Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
Love me..
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying
Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
Love me..
the Corrs- what can i do
February 21, 2009
mouse part II
not long after that, the girl finally found out what mouse actually felt towards the girl.
to think that it will end their friendship, it ended the anxiety mouse felt. no more the mouse need to hide its feelings, altering its true character, blinding the girl from seeing the true mouse.
for once the mouse could break free, breathing once again.
through words the girl found out how the mouse truly feel. and through those words the girl was amaze, in disbelief to see this other side. the girl then knew what had gone wrong with mouse and the way it reacted recently. for once it came clear to her.
yet she did not feel the same way towards poor mouse. she loved mouse as a friend, not even close as a lover. a simple feeling, not complicated by mouse's thoughts. still a pure mind, unaffected by mouse's feelings, she offered sincere friendship towards the mouse.
at the same time, mouse felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. relief, as the secret is finally out, no more masks. yet a ready heart to be disappointed. for it could not hope for more, it was contented to have the girl continue to be by her side. Like a shadow mouse kept close to her.
as days pass, mouse gave unconditional love towards a girl that gave sincere friendship. still a small part of mouse hope one day the girl could love the mouse as it did for the girl.
she'll be the first person he thinks each morning,
the one he wants to protect, from harm, sorrow, and tears,
and replace it with joy, laughter, and delight,
a swords to fend all fears,
n shelter her smile from fading.
all this because she gave mouse something worth a great deal, which is.....her smile. All is enough for mouse to remain as just a shadow.
as his heart overcomes his head, he could give his all and just maybe once again he will fall too hard.
to think that it will end their friendship, it ended the anxiety mouse felt. no more the mouse need to hide its feelings, altering its true character, blinding the girl from seeing the true mouse.
for once the mouse could break free, breathing once again.
through words the girl found out how the mouse truly feel. and through those words the girl was amaze, in disbelief to see this other side. the girl then knew what had gone wrong with mouse and the way it reacted recently. for once it came clear to her.
yet she did not feel the same way towards poor mouse. she loved mouse as a friend, not even close as a lover. a simple feeling, not complicated by mouse's thoughts. still a pure mind, unaffected by mouse's feelings, she offered sincere friendship towards the mouse.
at the same time, mouse felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. relief, as the secret is finally out, no more masks. yet a ready heart to be disappointed. for it could not hope for more, it was contented to have the girl continue to be by her side. Like a shadow mouse kept close to her.
as days pass, mouse gave unconditional love towards a girl that gave sincere friendship. still a small part of mouse hope one day the girl could love the mouse as it did for the girl.
she'll be the first person he thinks each morning,
the one he wants to protect, from harm, sorrow, and tears,
and replace it with joy, laughter, and delight,
a swords to fend all fears,
n shelter her smile from fading.
all this because she gave mouse something worth a great deal, which is.....her smile. All is enough for mouse to remain as just a shadow.
as his heart overcomes his head, he could give his all and just maybe once again he will fall too hard.
February 14, 2009
valetine's eve
i really thought that i will go through this day feeling empty and unsatisfied.
in this 24 hours, alot of things happened and made everybody's mood turn 360 degree. i am really glad that i am not feeling emo, instead i feel so much relieve and proud to say that i am satisfied.
yet nicky, 613, and Fiona made me worry about them so much. 2nite, i saw all 3 of them broke down feeling extremely blue and each of them have their love ones by their sides. while here i am alone i feel even better than 3 of them.
here we see how frustrated it is even you been with the same partner for more than a year or two. To think that happiness follows side by side with loyalty. i may loose someone to hold this valentine's day but i still can keep my heart in a safe place.
the heart stays beating only to live a day longer.
how you spent your valentine's eve? Me?... 4 of us played mahjong till early morning while sipping whisky and gobbling snacks. seems that i ain't that alone after all. valentine's makes no sense if u r single or not. its just another day for u to hope for more, and sometimes ending up disappointed more.
Just let this day past with a calm heart not expecting more, but giving more will make is easier for everyone. cherish all that you have and be grateful of who is beside u now, be it that person may be your love one or not. It could even be your mum or dad, sis, bro, friend, cat, or even mouse...
in this 24 hours, alot of things happened and made everybody's mood turn 360 degree. i am really glad that i am not feeling emo, instead i feel so much relieve and proud to say that i am satisfied.
yet nicky, 613, and Fiona made me worry about them so much. 2nite, i saw all 3 of them broke down feeling extremely blue and each of them have their love ones by their sides. while here i am alone i feel even better than 3 of them.
here we see how frustrated it is even you been with the same partner for more than a year or two. To think that happiness follows side by side with loyalty. i may loose someone to hold this valentine's day but i still can keep my heart in a safe place.
the heart stays beating only to live a day longer.
how you spent your valentine's eve? Me?... 4 of us played mahjong till early morning while sipping whisky and gobbling snacks. seems that i ain't that alone after all. valentine's makes no sense if u r single or not. its just another day for u to hope for more, and sometimes ending up disappointed more.
Just let this day past with a calm heart not expecting more, but giving more will make is easier for everyone. cherish all that you have and be grateful of who is beside u now, be it that person may be your love one or not. It could even be your mum or dad, sis, bro, friend, cat, or even mouse...
February 13, 2009
mouse
this is a story about a mouse...
this mouse fell deeply in love with a girl, yet two worlds divided them apart. Mouse may be independent not to concern what other rats think about, yet the most important of all is what the girl sense.
mouse could not love the girl longer for she will leave soon to another place, a place too far for a mouse to travel. as each day passes, mouse tried so hard not to love the girl more, but the mouse is trap in that hole that is being dug deeper each second.
The friendship between mouse and the girl became stronger, sharing their laughthers and past experience. they seem like the best of friends as evrything start to match. As their friendship grew stronger, unfortunately so did how mouse felt for her.Slowly the mouse could not take over its own feelings.
Mouse put that mask to hide what truly lies underneath and mouse maintain its smile each day although its heart hurt tremendously not being able to let the girl know how it feels yet to let the girl know how the mouse felt would definitely terrify her.
As that fake mask that was use to cover the secret start to fade, the mouse build up barriers of invisible walls to stop that feeling from over flowing. Yet as the walls build higher, the mouse grew more exhausted, and everything back-fired against the mouse as the girl lost the sense of trust between them.
As the wall is being build by the mouse, their friendship soon start to shattered as well. the girl felt that distance and gap between them. As the secret slowly appears while the mouse reacts towards its own feeling and carelesness. She couldn't feel the trust between these two friends.
while mouse tried to mend things, it actually made the hole bigger. the gap grew further while the mouse hide its tears among smiles that does not last.
The girl grew disappointed not knowing what has gone wrong with mouse, and soon grew frustrated to see mouse acting so weirdly. At this point, mouse does not know what it could do, as the mouse’s smile start to fade away as sorrow overcomes all happiness.
In the girl, mouse found true happiness and sincere friendship, and had the most memorable days of its mouse life. The mouse could not bear loosing the girl as a friend, what more to expect as a lover. Will it be selfish it the mouse kept its feelings a secret? The girl only saw the weakness in mouse as it start to complain about everything that happens, all those sweet
memories slowly being erased.
The mouse did seek other mice for help, and in front of them mouse could not even lift a single smile. Its laughter was gone as mouse loses its authority towards its own right to love someone.
It wasn’t easy either to maintain that smile in front of the girl. Yet the girl said mouse was selfish to act as the mouse likes not caring the girl feelings, hiding some thing from her was to abused the trust between them, when actually the mouse felt even more painful not being able to let the girl know.
If the mouse could choose the world around it, it would wish to be a human who can give the girl pure love and joy. In reality, it is just a fantasy. The mouse could not hope for anything from the girl, maybe just more misunderstandings as this remain a selfish secret.
If one day the girl may find out how the mouse felt, would she see how hard was it to be mouse. Maybe yes, and probably no. Because the girl will not love that mouse, as it is something even you and I could not accept, or do you?
Even yes the girl may leave soon, it will be too selfish for the mouse to let the girl know how it feel. That would hurt both the girl and the mouse. As the mouse try to provide friendship instead of love, it continues to suffer even deeper...
this mouse fell deeply in love with a girl, yet two worlds divided them apart. Mouse may be independent not to concern what other rats think about, yet the most important of all is what the girl sense.
mouse could not love the girl longer for she will leave soon to another place, a place too far for a mouse to travel. as each day passes, mouse tried so hard not to love the girl more, but the mouse is trap in that hole that is being dug deeper each second.
The friendship between mouse and the girl became stronger, sharing their laughthers and past experience. they seem like the best of friends as evrything start to match. As their friendship grew stronger, unfortunately so did how mouse felt for her.Slowly the mouse could not take over its own feelings.
Mouse put that mask to hide what truly lies underneath and mouse maintain its smile each day although its heart hurt tremendously not being able to let the girl know how it feels yet to let the girl know how the mouse felt would definitely terrify her.
As that fake mask that was use to cover the secret start to fade, the mouse build up barriers of invisible walls to stop that feeling from over flowing. Yet as the walls build higher, the mouse grew more exhausted, and everything back-fired against the mouse as the girl lost the sense of trust between them.
As the wall is being build by the mouse, their friendship soon start to shattered as well. the girl felt that distance and gap between them. As the secret slowly appears while the mouse reacts towards its own feeling and carelesness. She couldn't feel the trust between these two friends.
while mouse tried to mend things, it actually made the hole bigger. the gap grew further while the mouse hide its tears among smiles that does not last.
The girl grew disappointed not knowing what has gone wrong with mouse, and soon grew frustrated to see mouse acting so weirdly. At this point, mouse does not know what it could do, as the mouse’s smile start to fade away as sorrow overcomes all happiness.
In the girl, mouse found true happiness and sincere friendship, and had the most memorable days of its mouse life. The mouse could not bear loosing the girl as a friend, what more to expect as a lover. Will it be selfish it the mouse kept its feelings a secret? The girl only saw the weakness in mouse as it start to complain about everything that happens, all those sweet
memories slowly being erased.
The mouse did seek other mice for help, and in front of them mouse could not even lift a single smile. Its laughter was gone as mouse loses its authority towards its own right to love someone.
It wasn’t easy either to maintain that smile in front of the girl. Yet the girl said mouse was selfish to act as the mouse likes not caring the girl feelings, hiding some thing from her was to abused the trust between them, when actually the mouse felt even more painful not being able to let the girl know.
If the mouse could choose the world around it, it would wish to be a human who can give the girl pure love and joy. In reality, it is just a fantasy. The mouse could not hope for anything from the girl, maybe just more misunderstandings as this remain a selfish secret.
If one day the girl may find out how the mouse felt, would she see how hard was it to be mouse. Maybe yes, and probably no. Because the girl will not love that mouse, as it is something even you and I could not accept, or do you?
Even yes the girl may leave soon, it will be too selfish for the mouse to let the girl know how it feel. That would hurt both the girl and the mouse. As the mouse try to provide friendship instead of love, it continues to suffer even deeper...
February 04, 2009
manual
It is amazing that I made it alive without a scratch today.
Today suppose to be a worry free just an ordinary day…until once again I come close to driving the all wonderful MANUAL car…
It just happened spontaneously when my boss asks me drive the car back and fetch him at 7pm…I hesitated but yet I agreed…
When I step into the car, I had to refresh abit how would I move the clutch and get into gears…yet making my way out of the Times Square 4th floor car park wasn’t an easy thing to do when I’ve not driven a manual car for more than a year, (I must admit that Im darn stupid)…
Sudden stops and bumpy side turns not to miss the car’s engine stop each time near a junction…how pathetic, how embarrassing…but all that was in my mind was just to get back home and FAST!...
Fiona who sat beside me was quite encouraging although at the same time she was worried. She manage to hide her fears and calm me down whenever I get too excited…
Hahaha…what a funny situation…making my way back safely was a challenge, but back to Pavilion almost make me breathless. Going back to pavilion was even worst than I could imagine. Traffic jams turned the whole situation into a nightmare. Almost reaching our destination, I could bear the engine stopping a few times in a single road, I gave up and ask boss to come over to California Fitness to take over.
For me it was a huge relief! The torture of embarrassment could not be bare a second longer. I raise my white flag.
Yet that experienced is one I should not forget. It should come handy in “emergency times”…
_______________________________________________________
Its mum’s burfday, and this year really is a happy year. Really am grateful for friends who celebrated it with mum and their contribution means a lot to both me and mum.
Thanks!
Today suppose to be a worry free just an ordinary day…until once again I come close to driving the all wonderful MANUAL car…
It just happened spontaneously when my boss asks me drive the car back and fetch him at 7pm…I hesitated but yet I agreed…
When I step into the car, I had to refresh abit how would I move the clutch and get into gears…yet making my way out of the Times Square 4th floor car park wasn’t an easy thing to do when I’ve not driven a manual car for more than a year, (I must admit that Im darn stupid)…
Sudden stops and bumpy side turns not to miss the car’s engine stop each time near a junction…how pathetic, how embarrassing…but all that was in my mind was just to get back home and FAST!...
Fiona who sat beside me was quite encouraging although at the same time she was worried. She manage to hide her fears and calm me down whenever I get too excited…
Hahaha…what a funny situation…making my way back safely was a challenge, but back to Pavilion almost make me breathless. Going back to pavilion was even worst than I could imagine. Traffic jams turned the whole situation into a nightmare. Almost reaching our destination, I could bear the engine stopping a few times in a single road, I gave up and ask boss to come over to California Fitness to take over.
For me it was a huge relief! The torture of embarrassment could not be bare a second longer. I raise my white flag.
Yet that experienced is one I should not forget. It should come handy in “emergency times”…
_______________________________________________________
Its mum’s burfday, and this year really is a happy year. Really am grateful for friends who celebrated it with mum and their contribution means a lot to both me and mum.
Thanks!
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